Lots of waiting and waiting...and then while I was leaving Target on a last minute errand, my phone started ringing. I was sure it was Paul, asking me to grab one last thought from the store, but instead I see our foster agency's number flashing at me. WAS THIS THE CALL!!!? I answered, jumped in the car, searched for a pen and wrote every detail on the back of my fresh receipt. A 2 1/2 year old boy, adoptable, parents rights terminating in January, a preemie, doing great developmentally....It was THE CALL.
I had to talk it over with Paul and the kids and so I rushed home, eager to tell Paul and call my social worker back with a yes!!! I found my family in the kitchen and explained that I got THE CALL. I spewed out the details and of course the answer was yes. We then realized that Jackson had disappeared....he was in the front yard pacing and chatting into the air. Opening the window, we asked him what he was doing...my sweet Spirit filled boy's response, "I'm praying about this!!!!".....right, right. Praying first. Praying first......a quick prayer of thanks and I was on the phone to say, "YES!". Calls to friends who have supported us, calls to my family...it was happening. The waiting was over....just as I had started to think it would take a longER time.
Burdened...the next few days I could not shake the excitement, or the burden. I was so burdened for this little boy's mom. His mommy. She was still visiting him and yet her rights were going to be taken? Her rights? Her right to love her son forever? Her right to see him grow up? Why me Lord? Praying for HER became my constant. I focused more on her than on the little boy. The Spirit was guiding my heart in the right direction and I realized that this journey is not only about US. It's about the other side of the equation. The parents who are losing their kids. The ones who will grieve while I rejoice. Burdened.
A few days later I got the call that the little boy would not be ours. His MOM was trying really hard to get her life together and get him back. Although the thought of our journey ending before it began brought tears...more than I expected really, the Spirit of the Lord had already prepared my heart for this outcome. I was overjoyed for his mom. She is trying and I will pray for her.
A few days later, while at my Beth Moore --amazing awesome incredible--bible study the phone vibrated....it was my agency. My social worker was calling to tell me we were officially released from our match with the little boy.......AND that she had just got a call about a little 11 month old girl who needed a foster home. She made sure I knew it was FOSTER more than adopt. "Call Paul and call me back".....my heart was again burdened. PRAY FIRST jumped into my mind...so I grabbed my dear friend Cara, who has been one of my faithful friends in this journey, happened to be in the lobby and we prayed. I couldn't pray words, she did. I called Paul and we talked about our motives....were we set on what WE wanted or what God wants?? We had just experienced the joy of finding out we would have a forever son, and then the loss.....who is in control of our desire to care for a little one?.....Yes, the answer was clearly yes. In a daze I rushed home, called Tina, she came, we cleaned my house, went to Target, arranged sitters for my kiddos, prayed, waited until...that evening Tina and I picked little D up. A ball of smiles and cute boots greeted us. She has brought me joy. She is a great addition to our family, although she is not ours. She is going to live with her grandma soon. She is already visiting her family for long periods of time on the weekends. She is our baby part of the week and then she is with who has loved her since she was born. HER FAMILY.
Once again, this is not about us, but about them. They have expressed that they have so much peace knowing she is with us. We have met and chatted and feel confident she is loved. They know she is loved for this time. People make mistakes, people need to be loved. I have chosen to love them by taking care of and loving little D (and it's not hard to do!!!) God writes our stories....God will write D's story...we are a small chapter that she may never read. But I know I will pray for her and God will write. AND HE is writing OUR story.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Saturday, September 15, 2012
glory
All this waiting is for God's glory. I'm so thankful my pastor listens intently to the leading of the Lord and preaches so much truth to my ears and into my soul each week. Waiting is God's way of bringing Himself the most glory in any situation.....so right now, as I type, I'm confident that His glory is being multiplied in the story of our foster/adoption. Some days I wait better than other days. Today my heart is once again aching....but I know it's just being prepared by my loving Jesus. Oh Jesus...Is this how you ache for us to come home and be adopted by you?
Our friends who we started this process with got placed with two sweet boys about a month ago. Seeing those boys in their arms was one of the most profound spiritual moments of my life. We had prayed for them for so long and been on the journey of classes, CPR classes, home studies, questions, laughter, tears, prayer....and here they were. The boys that God sovereignty chose for our dear friends to love and take care of. They may only be able to keep them for a short time, but to watch the healing taking place in those little hearts is incredible. Not to mention what it has done for us.....to love of them helps our hearts prepare to love on the child we will have.
The kids seem better at waiting...which is never easy for kids. They pray for the "new kid" and we often talk about the future including the "new kid". We went house "looking" yesterday (to be continued) and definitely were picking out the "new kid's" room. Will we have 3 kiddos to spoil at Christmas? Will we be picking out a Halloween costume for a little one? Will we have one more to be Thankful for in November? Will the "new kid" be here to meet my new little friend-niece or nephew from the Dutillys in March?.......this is when I remember that there is PURPOSE in the waiting!...
GLORY
Our friends who we started this process with got placed with two sweet boys about a month ago. Seeing those boys in their arms was one of the most profound spiritual moments of my life. We had prayed for them for so long and been on the journey of classes, CPR classes, home studies, questions, laughter, tears, prayer....and here they were. The boys that God sovereignty chose for our dear friends to love and take care of. They may only be able to keep them for a short time, but to watch the healing taking place in those little hearts is incredible. Not to mention what it has done for us.....to love of them helps our hearts prepare to love on the child we will have.
The kids seem better at waiting...which is never easy for kids. They pray for the "new kid" and we often talk about the future including the "new kid". We went house "looking" yesterday (to be continued) and definitely were picking out the "new kid's" room. Will we have 3 kiddos to spoil at Christmas? Will we be picking out a Halloween costume for a little one? Will we have one more to be Thankful for in November? Will the "new kid" be here to meet my new little friend-niece or nephew from the Dutillys in March?.......this is when I remember that there is PURPOSE in the waiting!...
GLORY
Saturday, April 14, 2012
What will you leave your children?
Oh money, oh taxes...oh phewy. As we get older and as we talk tax season and because we live in this crazy time, I hear people say so often, "What will you have to leave to your children?" If I were to answer this question right now, it would be so discouraging to the world's ears. We have nothing to leave them....financially. Seriously, there is a small 401K from my OFL days and maybe some inheritance from grandparents...but from us, right now, in this day and time, financially it's not much.
Today, though, I was reminded of what we WILL leave them....and can leave them..and prayerfully need to remember to leave them every day. Here it is.....Love God, Love others. Well, that won't pay for college or buy them their first home, or give them a new car.....but it is all they really will need.
So many people have warned us about how our upcoming foster/adoption may affect Jackson and Presley. And believe me, I am not naive to the fact that we might be subjecting all of us to some pain and challenges along the way....hmmmm...sounds familiar and it's really what we all experience in our lives, unfortunately. I hope that they will be affected in another life changing way. I hope that they understand that we are all God's family and that it is the call on our lives to love God and love others. Love is sacrificial, love is kind, love is loving the unlovable, the forgotten, the weak, the weary, the orphans, the widows.....
We have included them in this whole process through many, and almost daily, conversations, prayers and stories. They are excited for a "new kid" as they have termed it and understand that we will be bringing someone into our home who needs a family. They have open hearts to the "new kid" already and I see the Lord working in their little hearts. They wish it could be NOW, but understand we are waiting on God's plan. It's such an amazing thing to talk with them about this journey on a spiritual level and know that this part of our lives will be part of their testimony. It's bringing us together as a family in really rich ways.
I pray that THIS is what we are leaving our kids.....the ability to see with God's eyes and love with God's heart and live out the gospel. Anything else we will leave them will surely perish.
1 John 4:9-11 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
Today, though, I was reminded of what we WILL leave them....and can leave them..and prayerfully need to remember to leave them every day. Here it is.....Love God, Love others. Well, that won't pay for college or buy them their first home, or give them a new car.....but it is all they really will need.
So many people have warned us about how our upcoming foster/adoption may affect Jackson and Presley. And believe me, I am not naive to the fact that we might be subjecting all of us to some pain and challenges along the way....hmmmm...sounds familiar and it's really what we all experience in our lives, unfortunately. I hope that they will be affected in another life changing way. I hope that they understand that we are all God's family and that it is the call on our lives to love God and love others. Love is sacrificial, love is kind, love is loving the unlovable, the forgotten, the weak, the weary, the orphans, the widows.....
We have included them in this whole process through many, and almost daily, conversations, prayers and stories. They are excited for a "new kid" as they have termed it and understand that we will be bringing someone into our home who needs a family. They have open hearts to the "new kid" already and I see the Lord working in their little hearts. They wish it could be NOW, but understand we are waiting on God's plan. It's such an amazing thing to talk with them about this journey on a spiritual level and know that this part of our lives will be part of their testimony. It's bringing us together as a family in really rich ways.
I pray that THIS is what we are leaving our kids.....the ability to see with God's eyes and love with God's heart and live out the gospel. Anything else we will leave them will surely perish.
1 John 4:9-11 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Little House on the Prairie
When I was younger I watched every single episode of "Little House on the Prairie". Okay, I still watch it when it's on. Okay, okay...I think I've seen every episode a LOT of times. Okay, Okay, Okay Okay, I might win in a game of Little House Trivia.
The other day I went to visit my brother and family and they were watching a re-run of Little House. I realized that the Ingalls family was actually a foster family. I remember James and Cassandra whose parents died in a wagon incident and of course Albert, who ran away from the orphanage. Even the dysfunctional Olsen's adopted little bratty Nancy, and then Laura and Manly took in Jenny, his niece. Now, I know there were orphanages but the actual "foster system" may not have been as complicated back then. Charles had such a loving, open heart...those kiddos were calling him "Pa" right away and felt so loved. Nancy ended up being a nice person, Albert a doctor, and Jenny always seemed to have a heart of gold.
Although the show was "based on a true story", I wonder if taking in other children was more common and not a financial "gain" as it is viewed of today? It seems like it was the goodness of their hearts and their faith that led them to help these orphans. No wonder I loved that show!
Today at our CPR/FIRST AID class, the reality of our upcoming foster/adoption came upon me strong. Being back in the Penny Lane building where we began our journey, being with other families on their own journeys, sharing stories....good and bad; it made my heart happy, anxious and reflective. The time is coming....we are almost going to be an option for the agency to place a child with. We will be on the board...we will be waiting for the call, we will be meeting a very special and important part of our story.
This week I also got to meet my friend's baby whom she adopted as an embryo and carried and gave birth to. This little precious, adorable, baby girl was given life. She is God's little girl and he miraculously has a plan for her little life. So encouraging.
I wish life was as simple as the Little House days in the Ingalls home... They were not rich, they did not have a 401K or a 3200 square foot house. They had a loft that all the kids slept in and no one seemed too concerned. They lived out their faith simply and had a lot to be thankful for. They loved God and loved others. They took care of their neighbors and their families with what little they had.
What a humble reminder of what we have to give....love and family and neighbors and a church and a home, and a udeniable faith.
Matthew 18:10 NIV
See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.
The other day I went to visit my brother and family and they were watching a re-run of Little House. I realized that the Ingalls family was actually a foster family. I remember James and Cassandra whose parents died in a wagon incident and of course Albert, who ran away from the orphanage. Even the dysfunctional Olsen's adopted little bratty Nancy, and then Laura and Manly took in Jenny, his niece. Now, I know there were orphanages but the actual "foster system" may not have been as complicated back then. Charles had such a loving, open heart...those kiddos were calling him "Pa" right away and felt so loved. Nancy ended up being a nice person, Albert a doctor, and Jenny always seemed to have a heart of gold.
Although the show was "based on a true story", I wonder if taking in other children was more common and not a financial "gain" as it is viewed of today? It seems like it was the goodness of their hearts and their faith that led them to help these orphans. No wonder I loved that show!
Today at our CPR/FIRST AID class, the reality of our upcoming foster/adoption came upon me strong. Being back in the Penny Lane building where we began our journey, being with other families on their own journeys, sharing stories....good and bad; it made my heart happy, anxious and reflective. The time is coming....we are almost going to be an option for the agency to place a child with. We will be on the board...we will be waiting for the call, we will be meeting a very special and important part of our story.
This week I also got to meet my friend's baby whom she adopted as an embryo and carried and gave birth to. This little precious, adorable, baby girl was given life. She is God's little girl and he miraculously has a plan for her little life. So encouraging.
I wish life was as simple as the Little House days in the Ingalls home... They were not rich, they did not have a 401K or a 3200 square foot house. They had a loft that all the kids slept in and no one seemed too concerned. They lived out their faith simply and had a lot to be thankful for. They loved God and loved others. They took care of their neighbors and their families with what little they had.
What a humble reminder of what we have to give....love and family and neighbors and a church and a home, and a udeniable faith.
Matthew 18:10 NIV
See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Patience.....
I'm so impatient.....seriously, I think it comes from being so spoiled as a child. When I think of something I want in my head, I really need to find a way to get it. If I think of a place I want to go, we go. If I need something, I find a way to make it happen.
I see it in my own children too. Once they get an idea or a desire they are tenacious and impatient to have it, go there, get it, be there, do it!
My heart feels impatient about meeting our foster child these days....I just wonder if whoever it is may be in a bad situation, and that makes me so impatient to get he or she here; safe, in a loving home. Are we perfect, NO, but we are ready to love someone. I don't remember if I was so anxious when I was near the end of my pregnancies and after all, this process has been much more comfortable! I think it's partly due to three friends having babies in the last month or so and my arms having the privilege of holding them close.
I am trusting that God is preparing our hearts just as much as He is preparing the little one's heart. It will be His perfect timing!
"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10
I see it in my own children too. Once they get an idea or a desire they are tenacious and impatient to have it, go there, get it, be there, do it!
My heart feels impatient about meeting our foster child these days....I just wonder if whoever it is may be in a bad situation, and that makes me so impatient to get he or she here; safe, in a loving home. Are we perfect, NO, but we are ready to love someone. I don't remember if I was so anxious when I was near the end of my pregnancies and after all, this process has been much more comfortable! I think it's partly due to three friends having babies in the last month or so and my arms having the privilege of holding them close.
I am trusting that God is preparing our hearts just as much as He is preparing the little one's heart. It will be His perfect timing!
"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10
Monday, April 9, 2012
Friday, April 6, 2012
For every action there is a reaction....
I remember when I was pregnant with Jackson I heard pregnancy stories, labor stories, birth stories, newborn stories, lack of sleep stories....most of these stories included dramatic or traumatic events that were super scary and worrisome for a mom-to be. Now as I talk to expecting mothers I find myself also chiming in with things that probably could be left unsaid so that the poor sister can just filter the good and not be overwhelmed or anxious. God gives us each a "story" and sometimes there is wisdom in being quiet.....(as I remind myself).
As we've shared our journey toward foster/adoption we have heard many stories or reactions as I've come to understand them. And as with pregnancy, I have heard many horror stories and have gotten very mixed reactions to our "news". However, the horror stories and negative reactions cause me to lean more toward "action" than ever. This is what God has laid on our hearts for our family and no story or reaction will sway that. We know people firsthand with adopted and fostered children and have heard some really sweet stories. No question, there is a huge amount of faith needed as we journey.
I do have my degree in Social Work and have worked with at-risk youth for 9 years. I've seen some really sad, sick, horrible, life altering things that I would rather forget. I have called social services more times than I'd like to remember and I have seen what can happen when there is no hope. It's horrible. Having said that, those things do not qualify me to foster/adopt. Not even a bit. What qualifies me is knowing that God has commanded me to love Him and love others....other than that I'm as unqualified as the next gal. All I know is that God's love, not even my own, is the "reaction" to the "action" we are doing.
They told us in our classes that people will have all sorts of reactions to our journey. Some of my friends and family are super super super encouraging and prayerful as we take these steps, some are hesitant, some know me way to well not to be skeptical, but hey...we are all broken and in need of some love and support. Some love me with truth (which I appreciate), some laugh with me when I have the moments of "what are we doing???" and some are silently against this decision. I'm fine with all the reactions....we all have marriages that need God's hand, we all have imperfect children who make us wonder at times if we can even survive another day......but the fact of the matter is...when you act, people react. When people react, sometimes we act.
Today, in thinking about all of this, I'm just thankful that God reacted to the fact that I would be separated from Him forever...He reacted and acted by sacrificing His Son Jesus on the cross for me so that I can have a chance and doing some "love actions" on this earth until heaven. Amazing...and yes there were people who were and still are against that course of action. I for one am eternally grateful! Thank you Lord for your Son.
As we've shared our journey toward foster/adoption we have heard many stories or reactions as I've come to understand them. And as with pregnancy, I have heard many horror stories and have gotten very mixed reactions to our "news". However, the horror stories and negative reactions cause me to lean more toward "action" than ever. This is what God has laid on our hearts for our family and no story or reaction will sway that. We know people firsthand with adopted and fostered children and have heard some really sweet stories. No question, there is a huge amount of faith needed as we journey.
I do have my degree in Social Work and have worked with at-risk youth for 9 years. I've seen some really sad, sick, horrible, life altering things that I would rather forget. I have called social services more times than I'd like to remember and I have seen what can happen when there is no hope. It's horrible. Having said that, those things do not qualify me to foster/adopt. Not even a bit. What qualifies me is knowing that God has commanded me to love Him and love others....other than that I'm as unqualified as the next gal. All I know is that God's love, not even my own, is the "reaction" to the "action" we are doing.
They told us in our classes that people will have all sorts of reactions to our journey. Some of my friends and family are super super super encouraging and prayerful as we take these steps, some are hesitant, some know me way to well not to be skeptical, but hey...we are all broken and in need of some love and support. Some love me with truth (which I appreciate), some laugh with me when I have the moments of "what are we doing???" and some are silently against this decision. I'm fine with all the reactions....we all have marriages that need God's hand, we all have imperfect children who make us wonder at times if we can even survive another day......but the fact of the matter is...when you act, people react. When people react, sometimes we act.
Today, in thinking about all of this, I'm just thankful that God reacted to the fact that I would be separated from Him forever...He reacted and acted by sacrificing His Son Jesus on the cross for me so that I can have a chance and doing some "love actions" on this earth until heaven. Amazing...and yes there were people who were and still are against that course of action. I for one am eternally grateful! Thank you Lord for your Son.
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